DISCLAIMER: IF YOU ARE SOMEHOW RELATED TO ME OR MARK, YOU PROBABLY DO NOT WANT TO READ THIS (ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE MY MOM, MARK’S DAD, OR EITHER OF OUR SIBLINGS. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.)
When I’m with my girlfriends, the topics of marriage, kids, being a working mom, and sex are the themes our conversations lean towards. More times than not, when they talk about sex, it sounds like this: “Ha, we don’t do that anymore.” or “I can’t even tell you the last time we had sex.” or “After working all day, and taking care of the kids the last thing I want to do is have sex.” Imagine their surprise when I chime in and say “Mark and I have sex every day.” Jaws drop, people start to hyperventilate, and cannot fathom how two married people with children can do that. Yes. Every. Single. Day. (sometimes twice a day). If we can find the time and energy to make that happen, anyone can.
Both Mark and I work full time jobs in corporate America. I also spend time writing this freaking awesome blog (right?!) and I spend time growing and nurturing my beauty business. On top of that, we do the normal day to day things to keep our household running smoothly (dinner, laundry, cleaning, having fun with the kids, bedtime routines, morning routines, etc). AND, we have 3 kids (8, 3, and 18 months), AND I am in my third trimester of pregnancy with number 4. AND we have sex every single day.
And guess what?!? You can, too! I apologize to all the women who are going to get pissed at me because their husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends will read this and be like “see? it’s easy!” I’m also going to say that I am not some lady who feels like it’s her job to always please her husband. Umm no. We make time for this intimate part of our relationship because we love each other, we like each other, and sometimes even a few moments of intimacy can make our bond even stronger as we tackle everything we have going on in life.
So here are my top five tips for making the magic happen on a daily basis (or at least more frequently) even when you are as busy as us:
- To start. Make sure you at least kiss your partner everyday. Preferably a kiss in the morning, a kiss before bed, and slip a little tongue in there for good measure. The power of kissing is tremendous and makes your relationship a relationship and not a roommate type of situation. Kissing can also plant the seeds for more!
- Like the popular athletic company says, JUST DO IT! Your loins do not have to be on fire and you do not have to be in the mood every time you partake in relations with your partner. Do you think I’m hot and ready to go every day? Especially being 30 weeks pregnant and peeing every time I sneeze? Heck no! (Mark on the other hand is a different story, but aren’t all guys?). When there is a window of opportunity to practice a little horizontal polka, we take advantage of it. The times we have found work the best are WHENEVER THE KIDS ARE ALL SLEEPING AT THE SAME TIME. So, this usually means early in the morning before the kids get up (our kids are usually awake by 6:30am, so this can get tricky), when the two littles are napping and our oldest is having her daily reading time in her room, once all the kids go to bed at night, and/or the random times when they are so entranced by whatever toy/game/show they are involved with that they wouldn’t notice if we slipped away for a few minutes. And, if the kids start calling for you mid-thrust, it’s ok to let them wait a few minutes. You do not need to stop and run to them. They will be ok.
- That being said, when there is a window of opportunity to take advantage of, it doesn’t always have to be a hot, sweaty, all out, swinging from the chandeliers type of sexcapade. Honestly, the other day, the two little kids just woke up for the day and crawled into bed with us. They were still kind of sleepy and were engaged in a cartoon we put on the tv. Mark and I snuck into the bathroom, locked the door, turned on the shower for some background noise, and had quick awkward silent sex while I leaned over the dirty sink. Not very sexy, but a good start to our day. And, it’s ok if it’s an awkward quicky. It makes those moments where we do have time for a nice long afternoon delight and we ARE swinging from the chandelier even better and more appreciated!
- You can always use the time to multitask. With our busy schedules, it’s hard to even find time in the day to have a conversation with your partner about real life stuff. So, why not talk about those things while you are doing the deed? It’s like killing two birds with one stone, right? For example, the other day as we were getting in to it, I realized that I needed to talk to Mark about a concern I had about how much Jacek had been pooping recently. I started telling him that Jacek pooped 4 times that day and I was wondering if we should be concerned. Mark gave me the “stop talking look” and I knew that I should probably shut up and could cross that concern off the list. Good talk.
- Finally, it is ok to not be perfect. I feel like a giant whale right now with a tiger striped belly. But guess what?!? Mark still thinks I’m sexy and he still wants to stick it in me! Ha! I am currently not flexible, my body doesn’t move in the same ways it used to, and sometimes all I can do is roll to the side so Mark can do his thing. And that’s ok. Being intimate (in any way we can) is an important part to our relationship. It keeps our bond strong and keeps us closer (literally and figuratively!). So let all inhibitions out the door and know that you are beautiful, your partner thinks you are beautiful, and sex can be a beautiful thing no matter how awkward or quick it is.
So there you go. My husband and I have sex every single day. It’s not always glamorous. Sometimes it’s a freaking hot and steamy afternoon of good lovin’! Sometimes it’s quick and dirty (and silent). And, sometimes it might be the last thing I want to do after the daily grind. But, it is important to us. We find the small windows of time where we can enjoy each other and be happily imperfect ever after in our own little moments of bliss (even if it is in a bathroom that hasn’t been cleaned for a week).